As Dr Pangloss pulled the curtains and looked out at the New Year a good idea occurred to him. Going into the kitchen he opened the back door and let Chairman Miaow in, greeting him with a hearty 'Happy New Year!'. Yes, it was time to bring a little order to the chaos, and what better way on January 1st than with a few New Year's resolutions. He grabbed a pen and his notepad and started writing: 1 Discover identity of blogger and stop him. 2 Find out how much money is being spent on consultants and act to reduce it. 3 Only write about positive things in my newspaper column. 4 Improve my popularity. 5 Listen to the people of Westphalia. Pangloss put the pen down and re-read the list in front of him. Number one, he thought, might be tricky. All the leads he had had so far had proved inconclusive. There were suspicions that it was someone at the Westphalia Express, and then it was suggested that it may even be someone in the Town Hall - someone close to Pangloss. Either way, it was a niggling thorn in Pangloss's side, and he felt sure that life would be slightly easier if he didn't have to constantly worry about having his every thought and deed scrutinized. Number two: well, things did seem to be spiralling out of control - there seemed to be different consultants for just about every aspect of council business, and he had quite lost the plot concerning who was advising on what, and how much it was all costing. Of course, the money wasn't coming out of his pocket, but he still felt a little uneasy every time he saw another five- or six-figure sum being siphoned out of the kitty. Number three: yes, he could do that: he would talk about picking up litter on Xmas morning, pantomimes and Westphalia United winning football matches. Number four. Hmm, that was going to be a bit more difficult. He decided to rethink a strategy to tackle that one later. Number five. Hmm, he wasn't so sure about this one. He knew it was a good thing in theory, but the problem was that whenever he suggested doing something everybody disagreed with him. Then Dr Pangloss remembered that local couple with the funny voices who he had mistaken for consultants - they seemed like reasonable people. If only he could track them down and get some ideas from them. Even though he knew he was safe in his job until 2011 he didn't fancy being an unpopular laughing stock until then if he could help it. Why not enlist the help of some locals, put their ideas into practice and dispense with all the grand plans and visions? - it would be a lot cheaper. It sounded like a Utopian dream, but it had to be worth a try -even the dimwits in Westphalia-on-Sea would eventually get fed up hearing him go on about pantomimes and amateur dramatics for the next three and a half years.
For the first time in weeks Dr Pangloss felt quite optimistic.
'Do you know, Chairman Miaow,' he said, 'I am really going to sort this town or city out. I'm going to mention the pantomime in Eastphalia one last time, then I'll really knuckle down and tackle the important stuff.'
And with that he added a sixth resolution to his list - 6 No more talk about pantomimes.
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4 comments:
It may all be one big pantomine to you mystery writer, but Dr Pangloss genuinely loves Aladin.
I see that Brian "your not LOCAL are you?" Localbloke has announced that all Westphalia Umpa Lumpas are money grabbing scumbags who suck money out of the (Local) economy and who must be returned immediately to Lumpa Land - in future all local jobs are to be only for Local People.
This follows his idea that the only investors allowed in future should also be Local; using Local Peoples money from the renowned Westphalia Bank (Slogan "Your cash is safe with me... top pocket; Blue Suit... you'll find me in the pub on Fridays").
Eagerly await his next proposal that Local Shops should not serve people who aren't Local("Burn him! Burn Him!).
What between Pangloss "vision" of Las Vegas by-the-sea and Localblokes Royston Vaisey nightmare, I give up.
Do you still think this guy is a worthy recipient of our votes? - I think he is a twat.
However much a party hack the Nutty Professor is, at least he isn't a racist.
If Brian had said what boxer thinks he said then he's an idiot, but I can't see where he has said anything of the sort, only what others think he said that political opponants, like boxer, have seized upon. Talk about storm in a tea cup.
I thought it was our old favourite Little Jimmy Porkies who stirred this one up. Isn't the problem that local or not, most people have to go somewhere nicer if you want to earn much above the miniumum wage.
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