Chapter 68 In which Dr Pangloss unveils the poster campaign

'OK everyone, let's move on to any other business.'
Dr Pangloss was getting to the end of yet another meeting where not much had been discussed except the Civic Chairman's car and his ceremonial chains.
'If I might start things off, I'd like to update you on a poster initiative which we have invested in to try and kickstart the tourist appeal of the Cote de Westphalia. As you know, we aren't going to sit idly by and watch our beloved town crumble before it's even had a chance to become a city, and with that in mind we've had our graphics department come up with a series of posters which sum up all that is wonderful about the area. We hope to get these on display all around the country as soon as possible, but I thought you privileged people would like to have a sneak preview first.'
Dr Pangloss, with the help of his able deputy Ahmad Hatter, began unrolling four tubes of shiny paper. A collective gasp went around the table as the posters were unveiled.
'OK, now I think I should just say a few words about the thinking behind these images,' continued Dr Pangloss. 'The first one is fairly self-evident. We have the highest teen pregnancy figures for the Westcountry, and this is something we should be celebrating. It's not often we come first in anything, so let's make the most of it, I say - it seems that our youngsters are the most fertile in the country! Now the second poster is a reaction to the call for a gay initiative. You're all aware of the idea for a new fast ferry service across the Bay, and it was going to be called Bay Fast. Well, I say let's take this idea by the scruff of the neck and get the ferry painted pink and call it Gay Fast. Now this proposal is very much at the 'idea stage' at the moment, but I will be in touch with the boss of the company running the ferry very soon to put this to him, and frankly I can't see much resistance to it. In this day and age everyone wants to be 'gay friendly', and I'm sure the pink pound will be very welcome on the ferry, so it should just be a matter of rubber stamping this brilliant idea and finding a nice shade of pink that is waterproof. Poster number three advertises our very successful parking meter programme. As you are all aware, parking meters have encouraged people to shop in our towns and park on our seafronts. At last people know they will be able to find a parking space, and they are flocking back to our town centres to see if any of the shops are still open, happy in the knowledge that their money is being used by the council for the upkeep of our car parks. I think this poster will generate the same kind of interest the length and breadth of the country. I mean, wouldn't you book a holiday somewhere where you could be sure of finding a parking meter? I know I would, if I didn't holiday abroad. And finally poster number four. This one celebrates the diversity of our local weather system. People from up north with nasty pale freckly skin don't want the sun relentlessly beating down on them for days on end, so this one reminds them that a cool refreshing shower is not unheard of on the Cote de Westphalia. And in keeping with the gay-friendly theme, notice how the silhouette is very definitely of a non-specific gender - yes, it's probably a man, but it could also be a big butch lezzer, so we're covering all the bases there, and ticking all the PC boxes. Never let it be said that Dr Panglossor or the Cote de Westphalia is anti-gay. And of course the fixed penalty notice is a gentle reminder to people to read the parking notices very carefully, or we'll be taking all their holiday money off them before they can say 'Hang on, why have all the shops closed down?' or 'That's the last time I'm coming to this shithole'.
With that Dr Pangloss took a sip of water and continued: 'And last but not least, some of you may remember that I wanted to attract a better class of tourist to the area. Well, apparently there were legal problems with my idea to turn all the lower class people back when they got as far as Newton Bumpkin, so instead we've had to compromise - we shall shortly be installing these signs around all the main tourist areas, apart from the bits which are already cordoned off with tarpaulin and makeshift fencing.'
With that Dr Pangloss reached under the desk and pulled out a sign and held it up to the assembled gathering. It said:



He left the posters on the table where the councillors could further examine them, and generally wonder at their artistic brilliance. And if you would like a closer look, dear reader, you have only to left click once on the images. Who knows , you may choose to print one off for your wall, window or office door, just to show that you support this bold tourist initiative. And you could also sign in add your name to the list of readers on the new facility on the left.