'What is a man to do?' continued Pangloss, still addressing the cat. At that moment there was a loud knock and the door swung open. An ebullient Charlie Windsor stood in the doorway.
"Pangloss, old chum," he began.
"Oh, hullo, Charlie," stuttered Pangloss. "What do you want?"
"Nothing really - just popped by to gloat. I hear you came last."
"Third," corrected Pangloss. "I came third."
"Yes, out of three."
"It's still third. If it had been the Olympics I'd have got a medal."
"Whatever," replied Charlie. "Have you written your resignation speech yet?"
"Resignation speech? What makes you think I should resign?" asked Pangloss.
"Well, how about the online poll in the Westphalia Express for a start? 83% of the people think you should resign."
"But where would I go?" protested Pangloss.
"I don't know. Anywhere. I hear South Africa's nice at this time of year."
"Hang on," interupted Pangloss. "Eighty-three per cent? You mean 17% think I shouldn't resign? Well, with that level of support behind me I shall definitely carry on. I wouldn't want to let those 17% down. And there's always this." Pangloss waved a white piece of paper in the air.
"What's that?" asked Charlie, "A letter from Hitler?"
"No, it's my payslip. Four grand into my account every month, no questions asked."
"I see what you mean," said Charlie, the envy all too evident in his intonation. "Hopefully I'll soon have one of those myself, when we finally get rid of that irksome oik Localbloke. Well, if you're going to stick around for the cash you'd better not queer the pitch for me. You're all washed up now, you're a lame duck, as dead as a dodo, yesterday's news, tomorrow's chip paper ..."
"Yes, I get the message," said Pangloss.
"What I'm saying is I'm the new kid on the block now. People need to get positive and follow a new messiah."
"Well, if you're going to make a splash locally you'd better start expressing your opinion on local issues," said Pangloss.
"Why would I want to do that?" asked Charlie. "I won't be here, will I? I'll be shooting off home. No, all I'm interested in is reminding everyone on the electoral register that voting for Localbloke is exactly the same as asking the Taliban to come round and stone you're mother to death because she burnt your toast."
"Yes, I see. That's quite a cunning plan, isn't it? Well, I still think you'd better feign a bit of interest in local affairs, at least," advised Pangloss. "What do you think of this new development proposal for example?" Pangloss pushed the newspaper towards Charlie, open at the page which contained a sketch illustrating how tall the new development near the harbour would be. Charlie studied the picture for a moment and then said "Is that an ordinary-sized gorilla?"
"I think so," said Pangloss.
"Well, in that case it all looks fine to me."
"Well I'm glad we see eye to eye on something," said Pangloss, smiling. "That's exactly what I thought."

4 comments:
Appropriate quotes from King Kong:
Captain Englehorn: That's the thing about cockroaches. No matter how many times you've flushed them down the toilet, the always crawl back up the pipe.
Carl Denham: Monsters belong in B movies.
Carl Denham: I'll give you another thousand if you leave right now.
Captain Englehorn: You haven't given me the first thousand yet.
(This last one is for the restauranteur in Torwood St who won't give up his lease!)
Highrise, carparks, gorillas.
When I say "the Queen" my boss thinks I am referring to the Mayor, not the CE
A very happy new year to all the benighted inhabitants of Westphalia.
Very amusing. Loved it! Satire well up to Private Eye standard. With the mayor in, or out of, his Gorilla suit set to wreck havok on Westphalia, we Westphalians need more of this to lift our spirits.
Post a Comment