Chapter 25 In which Pangloss and Charlie visit the offices of the Westphalia Express

'This discussion about education and money is getting us nowhere fast, said Pangloss with a sigh. I want to know who this blogging bloke is, and to put it bluntly, I want his bloody blogging blocked.'
'Well, what have we got? said Charlie. He knows a bit of French, and appears to be in his forties from the description the barman at the Conservative Club gave us. That's about it, isn't it?'
'Not quite, Charlie old boy, not quite. He started the Piddlebackside blog to poke fun at you and me, but then there was the other website, the newspaper spoof. And I'm forgetting that bloody journo who came and interviewed me - he was the one who warned me about the space time continuum and all that bloody nonsense. What was name? Leyland, I think. His line of questioning wasn't exactly what you'd call sympathetic - I'm sure he knows a lot more than he was letting on.'
'Did he work for the Westphalia Express?' asked Charlie.
'No, as I recall he said he was freelance. Charlie, I think it's time we started fighting back. Let's pay our friend the editor at the Westphalia Express a visit. I bet he'll be able to shed some light on this mystery hack.'

When Pangloss and Charlie Windsor arrived at the reception of the Westphalia Express it was business as usual. The working environment at the paper had the feel of a 19th-century cotton mill combined with all the fun of a slave ship when supplies are running low. Journalism seemed to be a trade which had been completed by-passed by all the recent advances in legislation related to the workplace. As the internet had eaten into newspaper circulation and advertising revenue there had been savage staffing cuts. Those that were 'lucky' to still be in a job after the axe had fallen had more and more work to do. They were always chasing what seemed like impossible deadlines. There was no going out for a lunch break - you grabbed a sandwich in front of the PC, and if you wanted a coffee you combined it with a trip to the loo - that was time management Westphalia Express-style. No-one wanted to be seen to be clock-watching and knocking off before their colleagues for fear of being the firing line the next time there was any 'rationalisation' to be done. Just to cap it all off, there was the reassuring knowledge that the same company, Southcliffe Newspapers, owned just about every other local newspaper in the area, so the chances of getting another job in the industry were virtually zero. If you took out the classified ads, the readers' letters and the bits and pieces of parish news provided cheaply by local people there was very little in it the paper; if you then took out the pictures of the mayor you were left with barely enough to wrap some chips in.

'So you think this blogger is someone close to a journalist, eh?' asked the editor, once they were in his office.
'Or maybe it is a journalist,' said Pangloss.
'Yes, said the editor. I've had my suspicions as well. Must be someone who's used to working quickly, used to proof reading and meeting tight deadlines. Leyland, you say his name was? It doesn't ring any bells, but maybe that's a pseudonym. Even though it's going to be part of a shiny new city Westphalia-on-Sea is still a small town, and everybody knows everybody else's business.'
The editor picked up the phone and said: 'Anja, send in Mr Staedtler.'
There weren't many hacks on the Cote de Westphalia that Deputy Editor John Staedtler hadn't come across.
'Staedtler, know any hacks by the name Leyland?'
'No guv. Probably not his real name, anyway.'
'That's what I thought. Right, get on the internet and search for freelance journalists in the area - let's see if that throws up anything connected to the name Leyland. And get on that blog and check the times of the postings and comments, then talk to technical support and see if anything matches up time-wise with email traffic out of this place; I'm still not convinced it's not one of our own.'
'Maybe someone with an axe to grind, guv?'
'Well, that doesn't exactly narrow it down, does it John? While you're at it, get the techies to deny access to that blog - maybe that'll flush 'em out. And check who's had time off recently - they may have been doing it from home.'
'Goodness, said Pangloss. You seem even keener to find this character than I am.'
'Too right, replied the editor. If this goes on for much longer and one of the nationals picks it up there's going to be hell to pay. Who's to say Private Eye won't do a feature in their Street of Shame column? It's already been on the local radio, for Christ's sake. This guy'd better not be an insider, that's all I can say.'
Just as the editor was finishing his sentence the door burst open. 'Guv, said the breathless reporter, got something big - the boys in blue have just seized fifty grand's worth of coke in an armed raid.'
'Bingo! said the editor. Right, that's the front page - move that bollocks about the college being a university to page two. Dr Pangloss, I'm afraid I'm going to have to bump you off the front page as well. John, where can we put the mayor today?'
'I've got the back page guv, and the inside back page - two big photo ops.'
'I haven't got to go back to the football ground, have I?' asked Pangloss, looking worried.
'No, no, said Staedtler. It's just archery over at Fishhole. We'll get you over there with a photographer. I'm not sure about that turtleneck sweater with a sports jacket, though; is that your idea of 'casual', Mr Mayor?'
'Yes, it is, replied the mayor. Don't you like it?'

14 comments:

The Gnole said...

Perhaps we could have a pole on how sick we all are of the "Bye-assed" reporting in the Westphalia Express. Why do we have to have Dr Pangloss's picture in every paper? Pangloss claims credit for everything good that happens in the in our "city", when he in fact has no involvement at all. What kind of person continuously takes credit for other people's hard work?

Anonymous said...

I think we all know exactly what sort of person Pangloss is!

Anonymous said...

I think the Westphalia Express really IS blocking access to their website!
It is impossible to log on to their site today!
Paranoid or what?

Anonymous said...

Truth is, the walls of their ivory tower are going to come crashing down sooner or later as the power of the blog and the mighty web WILL wrestle the power away from their iron grip. People will flock to democratised sites like this where they can really express themselves and tell the world of the misdemeanours of Westphalia-on-Sea and not be subjected to the right-wing censorship and flannel of the Westphalia Express.

I have a dream that journalists will one day work with citizen journalists, bloggers and video diaryists on a website that will not be judged by its design, animated banners and pop-ups but by the content of its character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Westphalia-on-Sea, with its vicious racists, with its mayor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" - one day, right there in Westphalia-on-Sea little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day Sherbert Valley shall be exalted, and every hill and moor shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight.

I have a dream today!

Anonymous said...

Mr Leyland's missed his medication today methinks.

Anonymous said...

I have a dream that journalists will one day work with citizen journalists, bloggers and video diaryists on a website

Seasoned old hacks and CJ's working together? I fink not!!! A case of the blind leading the blind.
Ah well, I s'pose no one will notice t'difference - GIGO.
'Course, it were all different in my day.............

Anonymous said...

Seasoned old hacks and CJ's working together? I fink not!!!

It's already happening, old timer. Just wake up and smell the creosote.

Anonymous said...

What is happening to the standards of the Westphalia Express? Has their editorial policy been unfairly influenced by the content of the Piddlebackside blog? There is NO picture of Dr Pangloss in tonight's edition. I can't believe that the very foundations of our independent press here in Westphalia may be becoming endangered by the malicious and libellous utterances of this scurrilous nonentity who actually believes that a small number of we local residents might be foolish enough to find his inane 'blog' even mildly amusing. I demand that tomorrow's newspaper includes an eight page pullout containing the missing pictures of our Mayor who is working so hard for all of us.

Anonymous said...

So where does that leave me? A foot in each camp?

Anyway - old timer - cheeky young whippersnapper - I was up to my arms in hot metal while you were still in short trousers :-)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I think the Westphalia Express really IS blocking access to their website!
It is impossible to log on to their site today!
Paranoid or what?

It wasn't there again today!

Anonymous said...

I am really getting worried. The only picture of the mayor in tonight's paper is at the head of his 'Down the Pan' column. Is this the shape of things to come?

Anonymous said...

No pic again today. Don't suppose you could somehow be influencing editorial policy - could you?

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else noticed that the Westphalia Express no longer provides anyone reading the 'paper' on-line the chance to post a comment on the news/letters of the day? Could this have anything to do with that bloke from the Piddlebackside blog posting a link to his site in those very columns?

Anonymous said...

He's back!