Chapter 9 In which the consultants present the name change idea

Derek Poundsign and his team were slightly late for their meeting at the Town Hall of Westphalia-on-Sea, and Dr Pangloss was getting more than a little anxious as the minutes ticked by. Ever since he had hired the services of Complete Commercial Upgrading & New Town Solutions he had not bothered to think of any new big ideas himself (what a relief!), and now he was dreading having to face a large audience with nothing to say, so when Derek and the rest of them walked through the door he greeted them like long-lost friends.
'Welcome one and all! Pleasant trip down I trust? said Pangloss, as he began shaking hands and ushering them into his office, all the time trying to exude an air of calm. OK, he said, as soon as the door was closed, we need to get started very soon, so I thought you could just outline some of your ideas to me before we start, just so it looks like I know what's going on.'

'Sure thing, said Phil Muggins. It's very simple: the focus for today is all on the name, and how it needs to be changed.'
'Change the name? asked Pangloss. What, you mean change the name of Westphalia-on-Sea?'
'Oh, God, no, said Phil. That would be crazy. In fact I'd go so far as to say that kind of thinking would be the work of an out and out mentalist. That's care-in-the-community-without-taking-your-medication kind of thinking. No, we're talking about Cote de Westphalia. That's your problem.'
'Cote de Westphalia? What's wrong with that?'
'Far too long, far too French, far too last millennium, added Raza. I could go on, but you said we haven't got long.'
'So what do you propose changing it to?'
'Phalia,' said Raza.
'Hang on, let me get this straight, said Pangloss. I've got a wide cross-section of the community including councillors and business leaders assembled in the room next door ready to hear your ideas, and the first one is just changing the name 'Cote de Westphalia' to 'Phalia'. Is that correct?'
'No,' said Phil.
'Oh, thank God for that, said Pangloss. I knew I must have got the wrong end of the stick. For a moment there I thought ...'
'No, I meant it's not the first idea, said Phil. It's the only idea.'
'Whaaat!? exclaimed Pangloss. I've got reporters in their from the Westphalia Express, and I've
promised them a story, and now you're telling me we're going to present a pointless name change to all those assembled?'
'Present and discuss, added Derek. Look, you're obviously new to consultancy. We'll do most of the talking. Phil's got some pretty convincing arguments on branding, and Raza's brought some charts and some facts and figures. It was always going to be a high-risk strategy trying to make crap ideas look good initially, but we're confident we can string this drivel out for an hour or two. Just follow our lead, and say something like 'it seems a contradiction to put Cote de West in front of Phalia, because everyone knows it's on the coast and knows it's in the West. Say that we need to concentrate on what makes the place different or special, and then say that we need a strong brand to promote Phalia and not just tourism. Trust me - Phalia will be a success. Now let's get in there and kick some ass.'